I read an amazing blog post on motherhood this morning and couldn't resist sharing it on the blog with you. Sarah from Clover Lane shares that "one of the biggest things she has had to accept (in motherhood) is her need for a quiet, focused family life." She talks about how she tried to create a balance between work, obligations and family, but after having five kids, it just never worked for her. She tried to keep up that pace for years, but she noticed she was "snappy and crabby...impatient with her children...spent and unfriendly when her husband walked in the door...just plain old mean."
Sarah says it best, "Children have little or no say in the way we set up their lives for them, and in the pace we set for them, and in the way these things effect how we react to them. What children really want, I think, is a calm, settled, predictable home life. A mother who is not frazzled, angry, stressed, or impatient. A mother who in in tune to their needs. Parents who aren't arguing because they both are occupied and don't have time to communicate properly. I began to realize that being a Daisy Scout mother was far less important than being a nice mother. I began to realize that joining a travel sports team that had us missing dinner every night and separated on the weekends, was giving far less an advantage to our son than spending time with his parents and siblings. I began to realize that bringing in a little extra income wasn't worth the amount of stress it brought to all of our lives.
I decided to look at my good days with my children, the days I really felt like I was an attentive happy mother and wife, and analyze the circumstances that created that day. I also decided to look at the bad days, and find a common denominator. I came to realize that many of those days, I had planned just too much. I started noticing the good days had a slower rhythm to them, a day when I wasn't rushed to get in to the car to go here or there or anywhere. Sure, some bad days are just bad days from things we can't control...sick kids, sleepless nights, just a funky day, or a hard stage in family life. But many times the choices we have made determine the pace we set. I started making conscience decisions about the tempo I wanted to establish for my family because I had enabled myself to see what worked for us. FOR US. Not for my friend and her children, not because I had read in magazine I should be doing this and that for my children's social growth, not because I couldn't say no without feeling guilty.
Knowing and accepting myself, and knowing my deep desire to fulfill the dream of how I want these years of motherhood to look for me, allows me to see the big picture, and make brave changes in the little snapshots of everyday life."
And this, my friends, describes my view of motherhood to a tee. I have accepted my unique personality, the way I am wired as a woman and mother and strive to do what's best for our family. Most of the time, that means going against the norm, but I'm not worried about keeping up with everyone else. I'm going to keep staying home with my kids, continue to make our family the biggest priority of all and enjoy our more simple lives at home. It's what God has called me to do. And, one day, I think our children...and grandchildren...will be forever grateful.
Well said, Sarah. Well said.