Tuesday, April 5, 2011
It was a beautiful day today. There were blue skies. The sun was shining. It was the first day I started to feel like myself again.
But, I have to say, my hormones and emotions are all over the place right now. I'm tired. I'm weak. My belly is sore.
I look down at those three little scars that are left from my surgery and thank God that He brought me to the hospital at the exact time that He did. I'm thankful my incredible doctor was in town and ready to drop everything to rush me to the operating room and take such good care of me. I'm absolutely blown away by the kindness and generosity my wonderful friends have given us by providing the most delicious homecooked meals every night and watching our kids as often as needed. I can't even begin to think of the words to thank my mom for getting on the quickest flight and traveling 400 miles away to take care of me and my family night and day for six full days.
Seriously, I feel so blessed. Blessed beyond measure.
And the best part of all this? I'm pregnant. Scot and I were shocked to hear that little word when the doctor came in to test my blood before surgery and noticed my hcg levels were high. The doctor exclaimed, "You've thrown us for a loop...you're pregnant."
The original plan for a CT scan was quickly thrown out the window. Scot and I didn't have any time to think or even process the news. My doctor immediately went into planning mode and told me all the various scenarios that could possibly be causing all the pain and the fluid in my abdomen. I could have a tubal pregnancy. I could lose one of my fallopian tubes. I could lose both tubes or have one of them cut. I could lose one or both of my ovaries. I could have a cyst on my ovaries that had ruptured...there were many assumptions. But, the one thing my doctor promised was that she would try to protect my uterus and do all she could do to save that little life within me. That new life we just discovered.
I have never been so scared in all my life. I was basically rushed into emergency surgery where the doctors had no idea what they might find, what might be causing all of this bleeding and here is this tiny, little life growing inside me.
Thankfully, there were no signs of an ectopic pregnancy. Just a ruptured cyst and a bleeding artery that cost me one of my ovaries. The doctors are cautiously optimistic because we know there is so much that can happen between now and then. I've been told all the risks and all the scary things to watch out for. But, as of today, my levels are rising and the baby seems to be progressing well. So, I am hopeful. Knowing God is in control and He knows what's best.
I may feel unprepared. I may feel overwhelmed. I may feel just plain inept at mothering two children, let alone three. But, what I do know is that I have a great husband, two fantastic kids that I'm head over heels in love with. Great family and awesome friends.
The sun is shining. The wind is blowing through our hair. There is laughter. And a little uncertainty.
Oh, but wait.
There's our little ray of hope too.
Will you be so kind to join us in prayer?