For the first three years of his life, Jacob carried his blankie around and sucked his thumb everywhere he went. Sometimes he even held his blankie while sitting on the floor and playing with his toddler piano. He looked like an exact replica of Linus, no joke. It was hilarious.
Hobby Lobby. And a two year old boy. Does that say enough? I turned around in the scrapbooking aisle to find my son fondling himself with his manhood sticking out of his pants. I gasped and told him, "Put that thing away!"
At two, Jacob said, "Sometimes I like to rub my wee-wee and it looks just like a snake!" Three letters, T.M.I.
At three, Jacob came in when I was getting out of the shower and said, very matter-of-factly, "Mommy, one day I'm going to grow up and have a big wee-wee just like you!"
One night Scot and I were watching a movie in the den. Jake got out of bed and mumbled, "Mommy, I don't feel good." Scot immediately jumped up and told me to step back but I didn't listen. I walked over to Jake and reached out my hands to hold him. The next thing I know there was purple vomit everywhere! All over me, the floor, the couch. Jake had eaten a grape popsicle earlier that night and it came right back out. Honey, you were definitely right about this one!
Then there was the time when 3 year old Jake came in our room early one morning and saw me lying half-naked in bed. He woke me up by saying, "Mommy, why you have no clothes on?" I was half-asleep. I said something like, "Uhhh...I got really hot during the night." And he replied, "Oh, okay." Then he climbed in bed with us and I frantically tried to get dressed under the covers as discreetly as possible. Yeah, that was memorable.
We took our first vacation to Florida when Jake was 3. Like always, he went to the bathroom right before we left. Our first rest stop was just 12 minutes later. And another one 20 miles from there. For the third stop, we got lazy and pulled over to the side of the road so Jake could pee next to the car. This happened many times when he was younger. His only warning sign was him yelling, "I have to pee now!" and we had about a minute window to find a bathroom or else it was a pit stop off the interstate. We felt like we were playing Minute to Win It all the time in the car!
We went to Sea World when Jake was 3 1/2. Just the three of us. We got seats for the big Shamu show and we were anxiously waiting for the show to start. We had 5 minutes to go when Jake promptly said, "I have to go to the bathroom." The nearest bathroom was closed and we knew they wouldn't let us back in for the show. So, Jake pooped right in his underwear. The smell was horrific. We knew we couldn't sit there for the whole show with poop in his pants, so Scot and Jake walked to the nearest trash can at the bottom of the stands. Scot grabbed some napkins, pulled out the turd with his hands and threw it in the trash. Mission accomplished. Redneck style.
At five, Jacob referred to his privates as "peanuts." He even said once, "If anyone hurts me, I'll kick their peanuts!"
In kindergarten, he wore his shoes on the wrong feet and his shirts and pants were backwards. (And still are some days.) He's all boy and could care less what he looks like.
One night in December a couple years ago, we went out for a family dinner at Logan's. Halfway through dinner, Jake said he had to go to the bathroom. He came out of the bathroom and yelled, "I just saw Santa in the bathroom! I saw his boots in the stall next to me and then I heard the bells on his sleigh when he flew away! I can't believe I just saw Santa!"
There are numerous nights we have woken Jake up to go to the bathroom over the years. Every single night is an adventure. He is such a heavy sleeper that he walks into walls, falls on the toilet, stands to pee on the wall, falls to sleep on the floor. We literally have to hold him up every night just to make sure the contents hit the toilet and he doesn't hurt himself. You never know what he might do!
Oh, and the farting. Jake (and another person who will remain nameless) can't watch a whole TV show without farting or causing some type of commotion from the rest of us who are holding our breath and turning blue due to the foul aroma in the air. It's amazing what survival techniques you'll come up with when watching TV together as a family!
See a common theme?
Boys are just gross. But, they sure are funny too. And we couldn't live without 'em.
Thanks for all the laughs, bud! :)